also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
