I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
