Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
