You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
