My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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