I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
