I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
