Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
