Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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