Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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