we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
