I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
false alarm, still single
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