tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
