Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
