goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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