Im at strip club and am horny
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
