Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
