You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
