OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He kissed a someone with a penis
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
