I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I want is dick and wine.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
