return my video game
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
