I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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