Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
