Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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