In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
