I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
