come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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