Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
is it fun? or sober?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
