You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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