im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
