the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
