Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
