i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
