Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
