i permit you to call me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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