I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
