did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
