just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
