gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
