it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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