woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
