I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
