do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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