It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
