I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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