Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
