Cold hands, warm shart.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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