So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
