I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
