This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
