Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I have post one night stand depression
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