Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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