youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
