they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
