I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
