Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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