I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
