my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize