Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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