my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
