Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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