my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize