sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
