Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
