If i come over, it means nothing
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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