I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
