I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize