I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
