I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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