I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
