The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize