i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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