Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sext me about skeletons
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
