I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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