i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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