Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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