I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
