i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
