you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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