I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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