my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
