dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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