My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it because I queefed?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
