I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
