I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there's paper in my vomit.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
