i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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