I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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