Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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