Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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