Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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