Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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