What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
