You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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